The trouble with being a salesman

Everyone’s wary of a salesman. The funniest thing is that even a salesman would avoid meeting another salesman. Why?

I guess people generally hate the idea of being sold to, of being led down the path to spend on something they don’t need. Just look at all the people trying to shove their wares to you at the department store, especially at the fragrance department.

I’m like everyone else. I’ll choose what I buy and where I buy it thank you very much. And yet I know that in reality we’re all salesmen whether we like it or not.

I say that because we’re always trying to convince others that we are nice people, that we have good intentions, that our idea is the best. There’s a term for it – its called selling. On the other side we hope somebody will ‘buy’ what we sell, to be convinced that we are as nice as we say, that our idea is as good as we claim, that our church is better than the other one, etc etc.

Ever interviewed for a job? Well, you were selling. If you’re good, they’ll buy. If not, hasta la vista baby. What we’re selling is not the point. The point is that whether you’re trying to convince someone to hire you or you’re selling shampoo, the thought processes are virtually identical. Think about it.

So next time if someone says “Salesmen are scum,” ask them if they’ve really thought things through.

(Janet, I hope you’re reading this )

Hard choices

I bet everyone can name examples where money is power but not everyone can quote when money is NOT power. I mean the power to zap away problems. So let me quote a few.

When a kidnapper takes your loved ones. When you’re robbed. When you’re ripped off into paying more just because you look rich. When people say unkind words to you because they wanted more. When your gf or bf leaves you because of money. When the tax department comes after you.

Poor people have poor people problems and rich people have rich people problems. In reality the size of your wallet has nothing to do with your ability to attract problems. Its funny how we’re conditioned to believe that money can make our problems disappear ’cause it doesn’t.

I’m not pro or anti money. I don’t dispute its necessity. I just want to recognize money for what it is – as merely the means to an end but not an end in itself. Yes I need it to survive but I won’t sacrifice my sanity for it.

Why am I rambling about money? Because the day will soon come when I have to choose between managing a family fortune (or misfortune depending on how you look at it) and letting it go to my brother.

Yeah its always nice to have a business that gives you more money than you can use but when it comes to money I am cautious. I’ve seen how relatives flock to my father and seen the pain in his eyes when he deals with the insincere. I’ve seen the bitterness between associates, the anxious periods during tax audits, bodyguards, fear of extortionists, frivolous legal claims, things that latch themselves to money. These things don’t give me the freedoms that I want

I’m no monk either and Shirley my gf might disagree with me on this but my ideal is to live as an average guy, drive an average car and wear average clothes but having enough in the bank to not have to worry about bills. I like being down to earth and being with down to earth people. Country club memberships and the stuffy folk that come with it’s not my cup of tea. Neither are my BMW-driving cousins who’s always competing against each other on who’s got the most platinum cards.

Hmmm… the power to make people run at my beck and call or the power to be free from pretentiousness and groveling. Tough choice.

I dunno know about you but its kinda nice to not have to worry about such things.

Kimi’s jinx and the Singapore GP

Poor “Ice man” Kimi Raikonnen. Last year’s championship eluded him because his Mclaren car had reliability problems big time, so much so that it became predictable. Whenever he’s this close to clinching a race, you’ll know there’s bound to be a suspension problem here, a tire problem there to force him into early retirement. You could even set up a betting counter to accept bets on what part of his car will go bust this time and you’d make money. The gods weren’t smiling on him.

He must have heaved a sigh of relief to join Ferrari whose cars’ resilience is legendary. Never a breakdown in years. But alas it was not to be. Kimi was forced out of the race yesterday due to an electrical failure that killed the engine as his teammate Massa roared on to win the race. I don’t recall Ferrari ever having a problem like it. Did the unsmiling gods pack up and move over to Ferrari with him? I’m beginning to think so.

Man, what does Kimi need to do to win a race. He’s got the grit. He’s got the experience. And he’s fast. But his luck is like crap.

On to other news. I’m elated that Singapore’s officially on the 2008 F1 calendar, the year when Sepang’s contract with FIA expires I believe. There’s talk about night races in the street circuit, an idea promoted by Sepang at one time. And even more interesting is the fact that the private party behind Singapore GP Pte Ltd that’ll tie up with the FIA, tycoon Ong Beng Seng, is Malaysian born. Very interesting.

So will F1 continue in Sepang after 2008? I hope so but I have some doubts. Only time will tell.

Don’t mix business and friendship

I hate member get member schemes.

A friend of mine tried to soft sell me something the other day. I was partly amused and partly annoyed. Amused because being a normally shy and quiet guy, he’s a disaster at selling. Annoyed because I hate to see a good relationship commercialized.

Ok, maybe its just me but I always have this thing against profiting from friends and loved ones. Money has a way of changing relationships, not always for the better. I don’t like to wonder about my freinds’ intentions everytime they call. It’s not cool.

I agree there’s nothing wrong with making a buck from a friend IF he is a willing party. The trouble is I was not a willing party. I didn’t need the thing he was selling and I didn’t enjoy telling him to zip it after he went on and on about it all evening. For me to buy it out of pity or to make him shut up is to be insincere. Either way it puts me in an awkward position. I hope he didn’t take my rejection too personally.

I know many people have customers who eventually become their good friends but there’s a big difference – the part about willing parties. Not everyone’s willing to let their friendship be transformed into a platform to promote products and make profits.

Anyway it was a rude reminder to me that even reputable companies are not beneath the tactics of dodgy MLM companies in turning their customers into direct salesmen. I’ve seen credit card, insurance and telecomms companies do it and in the process contaminating the trustworthiness factor of their brands. So damn stupid.

Are the companies to blame? I don’t think so. A tiger cannot change its stripes. If there’s one thing they understand, its the power of money and people’s hunger for it. In the end its up to us whether to take the bait or not.

Child disciplining: Are there limits?

This post is a little awkward for me as I’m not a parent but I recently saw a couple of sights that nauseated me.

First, a mother of 3 who makes it an almost daily affair to simultaneously beat all her children aged 1-5. The weapon is a plastic clothes hanger. The whippings can be heard a couple of houses away and if you could turn off the screams, the sound of the hanger’s impact with the body is enough to tell you she’s using all her strength to inflict pain. And not only that. Every episode is accompanied by a series of loud thuds. I imagine either the kids would fall or worse, they may be purposely flung against the wall as part of the punishment. I’ll say again, the kids are 1-5 years old and the episodes occur almost daily.

The second one was at a chinese restaurant. A female kid, also about 5 years, was having a tense moment with her mother. Crying loudly, the kid sat at the far end of the table to sulk. Suddenly the mother chased her around the table whacking her with a plate with all her might. This was right in the middle of a packed restaurant. The child screamed trying to ward off the blow with her tiny hands but the mother continued to beat her face with the plate. I swear when the mum paused to lean on a chair, I thought she was going to pick it up and smash it (the chair) against her child. She looked mad enough. Fortunately one of the patrons, a mid-aged father of two, stepped in using kind and calm words to separate the two.

All I can ask about the violence is, why?

I say violence because its not the same as disciplining. As a kid I’ve received my share of spanking which I’m sure I deserved but never to this degree.

What drives a mother to hurt the people she’s supposed to love the most? What do you suppose the kids will grow up into?

Spiderman 3: My Review

[Don't worry no spoliers ahead]

Cross Spiderman 1 & 2, Mask and the Powerpuff Girls and what do you get? Yep, Spiderman 3.

For a Saturday night, the GSC at 1 Utama wasn’t packed as it normally would be and I had no trouble smuggling something into the cinema. Not a video camera obviously but a can of Pringles potato chips since there was nothing at the popcorn stand that could last me through the 2.5 hr show. Shirley carried the drinks.

The movie started with a few flashbacks to serve as useful reminders as to why the story developed the way it did. As far as the action scenes went, there was nothing new. Its the same old swinging around and bashing people up.

But if you can see beyond simply action, you’ll find where the gem truly is. I only realized about an hour into the show that a message slowly was sinking in – that while its easy to get mad and destroy the things we hate, forgiving ourselves and our enemies is a tougher yet more noble way of solving conflict. For me the story unravelled itself as one about friendship, betrayal, anger and forgiveness and ultimately about how to get peace.

The fact that a movie like this had a message at all made it superior to the 1st and 2nd installation of Spiderman. And for that I give it an enthusiastic thumbs up.

So why do I compare it to the movie Mask? Well, when Peter Parker was under the control of the alien black thing, his persona took on dark side. He then got aggressive and started kacau-ing the girls, danced on countertops and generally made an ass of himself on the streets of NYC. That was a mirror of Jim Carey’s trademark character in the Mask.

And the Powerpuff Girls? Well, look at how Spiderman and Green Goblin Jr tried to take on the gigantic Sandman, then look at how Blossom & Buttercup try to take out a monster attacking Townsville. Then you’ll see what I mean.

But that doesn’t change my view that this is one of the better Spiderman installments so far. My recommendation: go watch it.

Noisy mamaks

What is it with Malaysians and loud noise.

I was at a 24-hour mamak stall last night with some friends, one of those corner shop affairs that would set up its chairs and tables al fresco (under the open sky) after dusk. Nowadays its becoming fashionable for mamak shops to show soccer matches on a large screens placed outdoors, with sound system cranked up loud. Except this wasn’t the only source of entertainment for this shop.

Inside the shop, they were showing a movie on two large screen tvs. The sound was pumped though a home theater system which you can hear from half a block away. On top of that they had Hindi music playing from a cheap cassette player sitting behind the cashier, the volume pushed up to pierce the mighty home theater with its shrill tinny sound. And all the speakers were strategically aimed ar the crowd of 15-odd tables outside.

So there we were sitting in the middle of the crowd. I was struggling to hear the conversation above the din bombarding us from different directions. I could not hear myself think. For much of the night I just sat there paralyzed, having one teh tarik after another.

Surprisingly nobody was bothered by this very loud assault on their auditory senses. Everyone was happily shouting and laughing at the top of their voices.

This noise cocktail reminds me of hot drink mixes popular here like cham (tea plus coffee) and Neslo (instant coffee plus milo) except that this is closer to strong tea, coffee, milo, coca cola and fanta grape mixed together with condensed milk and a spoonful of salt.

Or maybe its just me. I am unlucky enough to be born hypersensitive to sound. In school I could never understand how people could study with Bon Jovi turned up at full blast. Nor could I figure out how my old roommate could play mp3s on winamp, play a noisy computer game and watch tv across the room all at the same time. My brain just jams up when it tries to process too many sound inputs all at once.

Back to Malaysians. Has anyone noticed that tv sets have become mandatory fixtures at tom yum stalls. To stand out in the crowd the stall operator would try to drown out the neighbour’s tv volume, usually with the help of a powerful home theater system and strategically placed speakers. To double the attraction of his stall, he turns on a CD player and cranks it up to compete with his own tv set. To triple the attraction, he sets up a third sound source, maybe local talk radio, to compete with the first two. To quadruple the effect… well you get the picture. All this emanating from a stall no larger than 3mx3m. And from the looks of it the patrons seem to love not being able to tell when one song ends and another begins.

And its not just food establishments. I took a 5-hour ride in a bas ekspres once. In his infinite wisdom the bus attendant decided to turn on the “in-flight” entertainment so that the passengers can enjoy two Hindi movies back to back on a high mounted tv. The volume was cranked up until the speaker crackled. It didn’t matter to him that it was 11pm and that some passengers might actually be desperately trying to catch some sleep. I think the expectation is for you to just sit down and take whatever’s dished out to you.

If you think this only happens in hawkers and cheap express buses, you’re dead wrong. How about the flying mamak express. On a couple of international MAS flights, I got so annoyed with the overly loud (and cheesy) music they played during descent that I flagged the steward and asked him, “Excuse me, isn’t the volume a bit loud? I didn’t know we’re a flying disco.” He just smiled and guess what. He disappeared to the galley and did nothing. Only after I called him a second time, took down his name and told him exactly what I would do if he didn’t lower the volume did he lower it.

Trust me, when you’re thrown about by turbulence and your eardrums are struggling with cabin depressurization, the last thing you want to be is drowned in loud music.

This obsession with shoving loud sounds down people’s ears permeates in every level of society here – from village warungs to taxis to 5-star hotels. Why? I haven’t the faintest idea. I suppose its one of those things that makes Malaysia uniquely Malaysia.

What do girls really look for in a guy?

I thought I had the answer to this but somewhow I found myself stumped when someone asked me the question yesterday.

Well actually the first thing that came to my mind was the old Singaporean “5C” answer a.k.a. Cash, car, credit card, condo, cock.

Now the last item has to be mentioned because out of 100 people walking down Orchard Road that looks like a guy, some are not really guys if you know what I mean.

But I wonder is the 5C answer still true today?

Before you say something I have a better question: Is that all that girls want?

I mean what if the guy is 80 years old and raves like a crazy lunatic but endowed with the 5C’s? What if he’s fat and lazy and full of shit but rich?

I think the 5C answer is presumptous. It assumes that all girls leech off their guys for material comfort (girls, doesn’t that just piss you off?), you know, the insistence that the boy must always pick up the tab at the restaurant and for just about everything that costs money. It may be normal in my grandfather’s time but women didn’t demand equality then.

But wait, who am I kidding. Have you ever met a girl who offers to pick up the tab at the restaurant? I haven’t. Note to self: Next time I spot the waiter coming with the check, I should try excusing myself to the bathroom and see if she ponies up the money or hovers over the unpaid check with a saccharin-sweet smile until I come back.

Ok, so maybe the first 4C’s are still valid and whether the girl believes in chivalry or just is a plain simple freeloader, the outcome is all the same – the guy pays.

Conclusion: a girl looks for someone to “take care” of her financially, never mind if she’s more “loaded” than the guy.

Now on to the 5th C. There was a time when I actually believed that girls didn’t really like sex but treated it as the price to pay for love. Nowadays if you don’t give any sexual innuendos on the first date she’ll think you’re gay.

Conclusion then: a girl uses sex as a tool to tie up a guy into a long term commitment so she can freeload a little longer so you definitely must have a cock.

Conclusion now: Uhhh…. (is sex still an effective tool to reign a guy in nowadays? I thot have cock will travel.)

Now despite this carefully structured analysis that I’ve laid out, I know girls will bash my head with their purse if I tell them this is what they really want. So anyone know the answer?