I wanted to blog about this for some time but fun got in the way.
I was just recalling how among the few married friends that I have, that none of them could say that their partners are their soulmates. These are people in their early 30’s and one in his 40’s. A couple of them have kids. One responded back with an interesting question, should a spouse be a soulmate?
If you’re dating or a newlywed I can hear you say YES DEFINITELY but after a few years of married life, how sure are you you won’t change your mind? Just observe the chatter (more like the indifference) between typical middle-aged married couples. That’s normal you might say. Hold on, normal? You mean to say after a few years of marriage couples are destined to become ex-lovers? And after that they’re just there to grunt and complain to each other? You mean people actually sign up for this?
I admit its scary hearing these people speak. Being young I am an idealist (still am) but increasingly I can’t help but wonder if I had completely misunderstood the idea of marriage.
So how would you answer such a question?
By right, the answer is yes.
But usually, after a few years of marriage, I hear that it’s otherwise… how sad, isn’t it? Maybe I’ll write about this in my other blog
Wow that’s fast. You have an other blog? Din know that
My answer to this is…… “After a few years…….. your spouse BECOMES your soulmate.” You don’t marry your soulmate. You just sought of grow onto each other. Hahaha. Marriage takes a lot of hard work. Soulmates just isn’t enough to make a marriage work.
yes! of course! I’ve been with my spouse for errr… errr… 10 years? Married for the last 7?
But that being said, it’s not all happily ever after. It takes alot of effort and compromise to understand n live with each other. Soulmate doesn’t automatically translate to good housemate!
Thank you for this great post!
I had wanted to ask many people about this.
My answer is that – if your marriage does not work out, your spouse is not your soulmate. If your marriage works out, your spouse continues to be yours soulmate until your marriage fails.
Sound kinda immature doesn’t it? But that is the answer I got from one of my aunties who’s been married for 15 years.
What is a soulmate after all? I believe most of us have a different view of this.
Hi mumsgather, thanks for the tip. Most youngsters believe marriage is all about love so I guess they’ll find out only when its “too late” eh
Hi mott, yup it makes sense – soulmates don’t necessarily make good housemates and vice versa.
Hi Snoopy Jimmy, yup I see ur point. Whats a soulmate… for me its someone I turn to when something’s bugging me and the first person I tell when I’m excited about something.
how to define a soulmate anyway?
who actually did experience the ‘live happily ever after’ thing after they get married?
before marry, it is guy who give and girl just take
after marry, both have to give a lot and take a little
it is the matter of compromise and how to solve problems
if you are not willing to give a lot, take a little, compromise and work things out, I guess u will never find a person who could be your soulmate
Well, it depends on what the word “soul” means to you. Do you believe in souls?
I’m happily married with my SO for five years. Sure, there were some difficult times, and I’m willing to bet my life savings that they will definitely be more in the future. But isn’t that the purpose of committing to a marriage in the first place? To work things out as husband and wife.
Personally, I don’t believe in soulmates. Chemistry? Yes. Complementing traits? Yes. Acceptance and tolerance? Yes.
Bundling those relationship defining phrases into the word “soulmate” is unfair for all the hard work put into them.
Hi Ipohchai, I have to agree with you there. Compromise seems to the the key.
Hi Azmeen, from the ppl I spoke to, a soulmate is one of the things they want in an ideal marriage among many. I think its just a buzzword for deep friendship, nothing to do with souls per se. From what I see, friendship – including the ability to share problems with an open mind – tend to be the first casualty of marriage. After that its just like 2 zombies living under the same roof. It doesn’t happen to everyone but it’s out there.
I can bet you my (not that much) paid post money that you will get two different answers when you ask a Man & a Woman.
For man, soul mate could include words like lots of sex, understanding, supportive etc. For woman could be loving, helpful, loyal, understanding..etc.
I believe love is a commitment not just feelings. If you see married couples holding hands, that does not mean they do it all the time. There will be situations where you will think to your self, “what have I done? Marrying this person?”.
Also one needs to follow certain principle and I believe having a little faith in God do make a difference too. Just my USD 0.50 cents lar….
Hi Kay, yes many of my posts are on how men and women see the world differently. So if marriage is not just love but also commitment, then how would you define commitment?
..maybe being faithful, making efforts to make it more interesting, make time, prioritize, compromise….stuffs like that.
Hi Kay, its nice to know that things are working out well for you.
i don’t know how to explain about soulmate things…but i n my hubby having a problem right now because he believed that he allready found his soulmate…wanted to let go this marriage to look how he far his relationship with this lady…they so deep in love that what i can see…..for him i’m not his soulmate ..i’m his partner…eventhought…we allready face all the happy n hard times….just dun understand…