Men losing their libidos after 5 years

The coffee was too strong and now I can’t go back to sleep. Dammit!

Anyway I surfed the news today (I very rarely do) and saw this headline in The Star: “‘Men bored with marital sex after five years’” a fact discovered by none other than Singapore’s Dr. Love.

Yikes! Losing your hard on after just 5 years? That its “normal for a married couple to experience low libido after having the same partner for a long period of time. “? So is marriage over-rated or what?

Anyway I stumbled on a gem this morning: tadaaaa….. a love calculator! Click HERE. Its free. You’re supposed to type two people’s names, click calculate and see your compatibility %.

Now type in Kettle and Toaster. Here’s what I got.

82 %

Dr. Love thinks that a relationship between Kettle and Toaster has a very good chance of being successful, but this doesn’t mean that you don’t have to work on the relationship. Remember that every relationship needs spending time together, talking with each other etc.

Woohoo!!!

So what about single lady bosses?

If I had a dime for every complaint my friends make about their lady bosses, I’d be rich. There’s $5 bucks in the can right now and at this rate I’m confident I’ll be rich, woohoo!

So spinsters have a reputation in Asia it seems and here’s how my friends have been describing the old dragon in the office.

• Mean
• Calculative
• Scheming
• Never satisfied
• Practice favoritism
• Sourpuss
• Unreasonable
• Anti-male

And the reason why the boss behaves like this? Because she’s old (40+) and not married I’m told. Why unmarried? Because she’s such a jerk so who would want to marry her. And the connection between not married and irritating behavior? Well, she’d never had sex and so of course lar she’ll take out her frustrations on her younger male subordinates.

Hmmm… sounds like some powerful psychoanalysis if you ask me. No sex + mid 40’s = bash up your subordinate. I wonder if its true.

Any ideas?

Would you want to be a celebrity?

Feeling bored & flipping thru the channels this afternoon I paused a while on one channel, E!. I still can’t believe what I did – actually spend one minute of my life watching how other people talk about other people. Blegh.

And spending a few more minutes after that wondering why people even bother being “kaypoh” about what so-and-so wears on a dinner date. I mean who cares right?

What’s more interesting to me is how it works as a money spinner. I mean look at the sheer size of gossip media and the $$$ that must be behind it. All by revealing what so-and-so wore on a date, what she ate and where she pooed. Ai caramba! So easy to make money!

But seriously, if I bumped into Tom Cruise at the supermarket would I want to shake his hand? Yes I would, but only for his role in Minority Report, one of my fave movies. I wouldn’t care who his latest beau is or where he had his supper. Which does make me wonder, why do the other thousands of people care?

Is it because these celebs and divas are living lives they wish they had? Of people going, “Ooo I wish I had what she’s wearing. Ooo I wish I’m getting all that attention.”

I think everybody knows the surrealness of life in tinseltown. I’ve spent enuf summers with my cousins in Westwood (the other end of Hollywood Blvd) to basically not bother anymore. We do hear about the usual Hollywood marriages and divorces, family breakups, vicious catfights and dirty laundry washed by the roadside. Why anyone would want a life like that is just beyond me.

So would you want to be a celebrity? Are you sure? (Remember what Shrek’s donkey said about celebrity marriages – they never last. )

What do you do when you’re pissed off?

Had this post for weeks so I thought putting it up on a gloomy Monday would be perfect.

What would you do when you’re totally pissed with someone? That thought hit my mind as I was watching some guy chase his gf with a knife in a slasher movie some time ago. So would you…

1. Be adult about it and find out what’s bugging him/her. (which of course never works when emotions are running high.)

2. Give the silent treatment until he/she caves in. (a.k.a sulking.)

3. Lose your temper and demand an apology.

4. Swallow your emotions and try to forget about it.

5. Keep it inside and hit out later.

Come on, be honest now.

Personally I would stop everything, let it out and settle it right then and there, which puts me somewhere in between #1 and 3. I’ve never seen any point in holding it in.

I will assume that my friend is aware that he/she had pissed me off and is interested to make amends, which can be about as rare as a flying pig if he or she has the emotional maturity of a 5-year old. Which is why one should never forget the lollipop test on a first date.

I guess even old slasher movies have value – a message about anger management.

Thinking is for wimps

Everyone says, “Don’t think too much lah, just do it” and you know what? I think its a great line. Thinking is not cool and I happen to believe too many people are letting their grey matter get in the way of fun.

This guy (the car owner not the cop) certainly didn’t let thinking get in the way of fun. Booze up dudes, who cares. I mean what’s a small car wreck and a lost limb once in a while eh.

Thinkers are bad because they are party poopers. Well, mostly. They throw cold water over harmless mischief and enjoy taking the fun out of everything. That’s why they’re not on your party invite list.

Its the same in business. Just the other week someone told me, “Bryan you’ve got a great idea. Why not just do it. Don’t think so much.” While I understood what he was tying to say, a part of me says you’re not the one having to incur a million-dollar loss if the thing goes under so what do you care, dickwad. Oops I’m thinking too much there aren’t I. My bad.

So when it comes to matters of finance, health, marriage and family, should you stop thinking and just do it? What does it mean? Just follow your instincts? (Found out that apparently the urge to validate dodgy numbers on a business forecast is not a valid instinct and therefore if you do it, you’re a party pooper.)

So I conclude that “don’t think, just do” is a call to unplug your critical brain function and let your heart, stomach, groin or whatever take control of the wheel. Sounds reptilian. Sounds cool. And if you succeed, you become a role model for achieving something without the aid of a brain which then makes them brainy people look like sheep. Wouldn’t that be something. Man I could build a whole lifestyle and economy on that. No wait, I think I’m already in it.

Being hunted

Knowing I’m not the only one to have been approached by members of the same sex makes it easier to talk about it. Firstly I’m not casting myself as a victim at all. I’m just someone who’s had the privilege to observe a part of humanity people seldom see. I even wrote a sociology paper on it in college. It was quite useful to have a couple of gay friends who helped me put things in perspective.

Ok, I’ve blogged about being approached in Guangzhou and Singapore. Those weren’t the only times. My first encounter was in a San Francisco donut shop many years ago where I was having lunch. This large guy with a cowboy hat saw me eating alone, came by and mustered up a conversation. Ok so I was naive, what do you expect from a dumb 16 year old. Long story short, he asked me if I’d be interested to join him for a weekend at his ranch in Sacramento. I didn’t see anything weird in it but I said no anyway because I was supposed to be on my way back to Chicago by then.

It was only upon reaching home that day and relating the incident to my aunt that I received my first lesson on this ‘parallel universe’. Oh by the way, for those of you who have never been to San Francisco, you DON’T find gay couples holding hands and kissing around every corner. Its an Asian myth.

So anyway that close encounter helped me become aware that this thing is real. It happened a couple more times over the next year. Strangely one of them became a friend. By some stroke of embarrassing luck he ran into me at the high school cafeteria. Turned out he’s a senior at school. Anyway he saw that I had a girlfriend so after some awkward moments we got a conversation going. We became friends after that. I even helped him build a paper glider for a school project later that year.

In college I had a couple of classmates who were openly gay and I asked them why I’ve become a target. Well… friend A said I had a nice face. Friend B said I had nice buns and have bumps in the right places or something like that. Whatever. They were decent enough to teach me how to recognize signs of being hunted and how to say no without making a scene.

So this is what I’ve learnt.

- Having gay friends doesn’t make you gay, just like having straight friends doesn’t make them straight.
- They have sex on their minds. All guys do.
- If you feel threatened by an advance, its probably because you have fears. No fear, no threat.
- They are people with feelings too.
- To reject an advance, just smile and ignore. They’ll get the message.
- If they’re persistent its ok to say I’m sorry I’m not gay.
- Metrosexuality can and will attract advances.

Yup, that’s it.

Do men and women see time and distance differently?

The best way to travel between 2 points is not always in a straight line.

Scene – A weekday evening travelling in a car with 2 girls, almost late for a movie and the roads are choked with traffic.

Me: Crap, we’re hardly moving. I know. I’m going to take the inside roads. We’ll reach there faster.

The girls: Hah? You crazy ah? So far wor… have to go thru this Taman and that Taman. Dowan lah!

Me: But its faster. You want to spend an hour in this crawling traffic? I bet we can reach there in 20 minutes.

The girls: Aiyah so maa fan lar… Dowan drive so far lah.

It was a classic tussle between time and distance. I was struggling against time. The girls were struggling against distance. Movie’s starting in 30 minutes. Or I should say its 15 km away.

And the winner was…. me, muahahaha!! We sailed effortlessly through the back roads of the Tamans and the girls couldn’t do a thing about it. One of the perks of having control over the wheel, hehe.

Seriously though, is there such a thing as a male minute and a female minute? Or a male km and a female km? Cause it sure feels like chicken and duck talking sometimes.

Lord Voldemort looks like a turtle.

And I bet I know what show he’ll be appearing in soon.

Speaking of which, if you could be an animal, what would you be? Something big and strong? Small and cute? Or smart and resourceful?

My number 1 choice would be an eagle. Well, maybe a vegetarian eagle cuz I don’t like killing. I like the thought of being able to fly where I want to when I want to. I like the sharp eyesight to be able to see things coming. And I’ve got great weapons – my sharp beak and talons to kick some serious ass.

But I like the freedom part mostly which sort of explains the frequent flyer miles I’ve earned since 3 years ago. There’s only one continent I’ve yet to travel to – South America. I hope to some day.

But maybe my choice of an eagle is also indicative of something else. Unlike pigeons, eagles are not terribly social, except for a few good friends. They are territorial, maybe part of the struggle to be on top of the food chain. I think they’re loyal creatures too, I don’t know, but they have a certain proud and tough look about them like the American bald eagle, my favorite eagle species.

What about you, what animal would you be?

Being ‘Femes’

Thanks to the flu I stayed home most of last week and had the chance to blog-hop in bed. And catch up on a pile of comics.

As I surfed thru the blog chatter one word caught my eye: “femes”. Blogspeak for famous I presume. But the next word that would often follow is a lot more revealing. Its the “Jealous is it?” jab.

She’s femes. You jealous izzit.

The two notions got me thinking. First, that fame is highly desirable. Second, that jealousy is a natural response to fame. Among bloggers at least.

Is fame to die for? Haha that’s a funny one. So far recognition has played no role in my making and keeping friends. Most are school friends and those whom Shirley introduced to me.

Same deal with money. Fame had nothing to do with it but work did. In fact I can’t think of any benefit I can derive by being famous so my response to it is, who cares.

Is jealousy a natural response to fame? Well since fame’s a non-event, that question gets a blank stare from me.

On jealousy being a natural response to fame, is it me or does it sound like covetousness. Do easygoing guys covet? LOL that’s funny too.

So my attitude to fame is *shrugs*.  All I care about right now is some strawberry ice cream, a big Coke and a game of pool. Right. I’m outta here.

My version of Success

In school I was asked to write an essay on this topic. I think I received a B-. A resounding success considering it was near spring break and you could get beat up for talking about homework.

So what is success?

Your parents and friends will tell you the usual fame and fortune combo cuz everybody knows these define happiness. Very nice and very disprovable as any decent Hollywood gossip magazine will tell you. Others might add family. In reality, you can count yourself lucky if you belong to the very small percentage of intact happy families.

Where I am now, I can’t really say what is success but I’m pretty certain about what its not. Is it a nice new car? Not when a newer one roars past you. A lot of money? Not when people are trying to take it away. Bombshell wife? Not when she has other things on her mind.

Other than my parents’ and friends’ textbook definition of it, the world around me tells me a different story, that success is actually a moving goalpost. In a weird way, its definition becomes as unique as the person trying to define it. As a person grows older, his view of the world changes and so does his definition of success. I mean who knows, I might set out to be a millionaire today but end up being a jesuit priest before age 50. Would I consider god’s calling the opposite of success? Hardly if I was the priest.

So while its fun to define success, reality keeps knocking at my head. I wouldn’t create one fixed idea like having 10 wives and a gazillion bucks and be attached to it for the rest of my life for when I do get it, there’s a good chance I would’ve changed my mind and realized that I’m no closer to success than when I was 15.

Since the meaning of success is probably never meant to be fixed, I say chill out, go have a game of basketball and have fun. As my dad always tells me, when I do something, I must do it well. The rest will take care of itself.