What do you do when you’re pissed off?

Had this post for weeks so I thought putting it up on a gloomy Monday would be perfect.

What would you do when you’re totally pissed with someone? That thought hit my mind as I was watching some guy chase his gf with a knife in a slasher movie some time ago. So would you…

1. Be adult about it and find out what’s bugging him/her. (which of course never works when emotions are running high.)

2. Give the silent treatment until he/she caves in. (a.k.a sulking.)

3. Lose your temper and demand an apology.

4. Swallow your emotions and try to forget about it.

5. Keep it inside and hit out later.

Come on, be honest now.

Personally I would stop everything, let it out and settle it right then and there, which puts me somewhere in between #1 and 3. I’ve never seen any point in holding it in.

I will assume that my friend is aware that he/she had pissed me off and is interested to make amends, which can be about as rare as a flying pig if he or she has the emotional maturity of a 5-year old. Which is why one should never forget the lollipop test on a first date.

I guess even old slasher movies have value – a message about anger management.

Should your spouse be your soulmate?

I wanted to blog about this for some time but fun got in the way.

I was just recalling how among the few married friends that I have, that none of them could say that their partners are their soulmates. These are people in their early 30’s and one in his 40’s. A couple of them have kids. One responded back with an interesting question, should a spouse be a soulmate?

If you’re dating or a newlywed I can hear you say YES DEFINITELY but after a few years of married life, how sure are you you won’t change your mind? Just observe the chatter (more like the indifference) between typical middle-aged married couples. That’s normal you might say. Hold on, normal? You mean to say after a few years of marriage couples are destined to become ex-lovers? And after that they’re just there to grunt and complain to each other? You mean people actually sign up for this?

I admit its scary hearing these people speak. Being young I am an idealist (still am) but increasingly I can’t help but wonder if I had completely misunderstood the idea of marriage.

So how would you answer such a question?

Relationship of equals

I received some sad news last night that my friend Gene had broken up with his fiancee Candice. He’s in Boston. We used to horse around in college when his dad worked at Chicago’s First National. Candice and I had gone to the same high school together. I was preparing to go to New England (US) in fall to see them get married. I guess that’s off now.

Gene said something about a problem with a relationship of equals. I think what he meant was Candice and he were both equally strong, equally opinionated and equally stubborn. And they finally hit a wall.

I’ve spent enough time with them to know that a simple decision like what to have for lunch can escalate into an argument on why must it always be his or her way. After 4 years they decided it was enough. Gene’s taking it pretty hard. I’m still trying to reach Candice.

Honestly sometimes I think people take this equality business a bit too far.

I might be totally off here but I think equality is not some weird idea of meeting a force with an equally opposing force. I think it means both parties giving each other an equal amount of dignity and respect, even if it means temporarily giving up something you like.

I think it means taking the responsibility of how our decisions affect each other and making sure that our decisions don’t adversely effect the relationship. I think it means being fair.

Tall order right? I myself am struggling with that. But then again when you don’t know what you’re getting into, who can you blame when the stuff hits the fan.

Guys emo? Nevar!

To balance out the last post I wrote, I must be fair and say that guys are as emo and irrational as girls too. Yes, we are all happy irrational people.

Girl: Why do you love me?

Guy: I dunno. I just think you’re nice.

Girl: But surely there must be a reason right? Is it my looks, my charm?

Guy: (Getting restless) I said I like means I like lah. What time is it?

Girl sighs happily. They ride off into the sunset.

Yeah, soppy stuff and completely devoid of any rationale.

But seriously, when guys brag and boast, when its attitude time, when they react in anger, when we buy a remote controlled car because it looks cool, these are all emotions talking. We just don’t call it emo because that label is so un-macho.

Everyone knows that straight, macho bread-winning guys are not supposed to be emo.

Hmmm… maybe we do come from the same planet after all.

Logic versus emotion

Sometimes I scratch my head when guys and girls argue.

Girl: Why didn’t you call me last night?

Guy: My handphone battery went dead and I couldn’t get home till midnight.

Girl: But I waited till 1am!

Guy: I was too tired darling. I’m sorry if I kept you waiting.

Girl: (sob sob, sniff sniff) You don’t love me any more.

Guy: Of course I do. I told you I was just too tired and I didn’t want to wake you up by calling so late.

Girl: Bwaa haaa haaa (cries loudly)

Guy disappears, comes back with flowers and chocolate. Girl wins.

You know that thing about men and women coming from different planets? What if its not a joke?

Boys like to use logical argument to explain themselves. Girls like to use emotions to get their way. Boys are dumbfounded that girls can’t accept logical persuasion. Girls can’t understand why boys don’t “get it”.

First they dismiss it as just a boy/girl thing. Then it gets bigger. After a while they just tolerate each other. Sometimes after 20-30 years all communication breaks down.

If the way we solve problems is a criteria, we’re like cat and dog. And yet we can’t live without each other.

Strange place we live in.

What do you think of girls who go for younger guys?

When I was 16 I had my first date ever with a girl who was 2 years older than I was. I was a coward then and she was the one who asked me out. I never thought about the age difference but I do remember being awed at how she handled the waiters at the place we went: a cozy pizza parlor in the suburbs of Chicago where I went to school. I was wowed that she actually drove her mom’s car like an expert.

In college when I was about 20 years old I remember going out with another older girl. I remember she said she was 23. I said cool and that was that. She had a job in real estate. Again there was nothing that caused me to think about the numbers gap and we had a great time.

But when I came back here I notice a distinct preference in men to go for younger women, or perhaps older women who looked young. Yesterday was the 2nd time this week that someone asked me why I’m going out with an older woman. Shirley my gf is in reality 2 years younger than I am. We are kinda like Spiderman and his girlfriend.

Ok, maybe Shirl dresses up more maturely but that’s her own style whereas I’m less picky about my clothes. I’m used to being mistaken for someone in his late teens. I guess I should have seen it coming.

Anyway there seems to be this unwritten rule here that girls are supposed to go out with guys older than them. Why? What difference does a couple of years make or even 5 or 6 for that matter. I actually have a friend in New Jersey who dated a 25 year old woman when he was 16. He thought she was hot and she didn’t mind and they dated for a while. They separated when he went on to college.

Personally age was never a criteria for me. I can understand why its not a good idea to be dating someone old enough to be your parent but not if they are just a few years apart. Or am I missing something here?

What do girls really look for in a guy?

I thought I had the answer to this but somewhow I found myself stumped when someone asked me the question yesterday.

Well actually the first thing that came to my mind was the old Singaporean “5C” answer a.k.a. Cash, car, credit card, condo, cock.

Now the last item has to be mentioned because out of 100 people walking down Orchard Road that looks like a guy, some are not really guys if you know what I mean.

But I wonder is the 5C answer still true today?

Before you say something I have a better question: Is that all that girls want?

I mean what if the guy is 80 years old and raves like a crazy lunatic but endowed with the 5C’s? What if he’s fat and lazy and full of shit but rich?

I think the 5C answer is presumptous. It assumes that all girls leech off their guys for material comfort (girls, doesn’t that just piss you off?), you know, the insistence that the boy must always pick up the tab at the restaurant and for just about everything that costs money. It may be normal in my grandfather’s time but women didn’t demand equality then.

But wait, who am I kidding. Have you ever met a girl who offers to pick up the tab at the restaurant? I haven’t. Note to self: Next time I spot the waiter coming with the check, I should try excusing myself to the bathroom and see if she ponies up the money or hovers over the unpaid check with a saccharin-sweet smile until I come back.

Ok, so maybe the first 4C’s are still valid and whether the girl believes in chivalry or just is a plain simple freeloader, the outcome is all the same – the guy pays.

Conclusion: a girl looks for someone to “take care” of her financially, never mind if she’s more “loaded” than the guy.

Now on to the 5th C. There was a time when I actually believed that girls didn’t really like sex but treated it as the price to pay for love. Nowadays if you don’t give any sexual innuendos on the first date she’ll think you’re gay.

Conclusion then: a girl uses sex as a tool to tie up a guy into a long term commitment so she can freeload a little longer so you definitely must have a cock.

Conclusion now: Uhhh…. (is sex still an effective tool to reign a guy in nowadays? I thot have cock will travel.)

Now despite this carefully structured analysis that I’ve laid out, I know girls will bash my head with their purse if I tell them this is what they really want. So anyone know the answer?

What would you do if you bumped into your ex?

a. Walk right past him/her and pretend he/she doesn’t exist
b. Treat him/her like your long lost friend, exchange phone numbers and invite him/her out for drinks to catch up
c. Treat him/her like an acquaintance and make excuses to cut the contact short
d. Give him/her a furious “I hate you” look and walk right on
e. Freeze in your tracks not knowing what to do

I’ve not seen my ex for years and the other day, I spotted her as she was driving in the opposite direction but she didn’t see me waving. Its hard to see across the metal railing and shrubs separating our lanes and by the time traffic sorted itself out, she had disappeared. Hmm I thot she decided to stay on in Australia.

The sighting brought back many nice memories. That’s when I started imagining what would I do if we bumped into each other at the mall or club. It will probably be (b) or (c). Honestly I don’t know what she thinks of me now so what I’d do will depend on how she reacts I guess.

I think how one’s relationship ends determine these things. For me, it was because she went to Australia for college while I went to the USA. We had no idea how long we’d be gone and after 6 months apart we sort of knew it was unrealistic to continue. We agreed it would be less painful if we changed our expectations. Then life took over and a year later we lost touch. It could have been worse I suppose.

It always fascinates me how breakups on TV are light hearted occasions where the parties would hug, tell a joke, pat each other on the back and make the obligatory lets-be-friends speech. Happens in Friends and Cheers all the time. Then why is it that the breakups I get to hear about are traumatic where most of the time one party storms out and slams the door permanently. Where are those happy-go-lucky feelings?

You do realize I discount people who date “for fun” whatever that means. I don’t even know how to categorize that kind of a relationship.

Being Asians I know we are not very capable of saying things like “I love you, I’m just not in love with you” or some weird shit like that, which is why I think the majority of Asians would choose (a), (d) or (e). The ones who really hate you will find out where you parked your car and puncture your tire.

As for my ex gf, if she had settled down with someone, I’d be genuinely eager to meet her significant other as happily as I would introduce her to my gf Shirley. It might be a bit awkward at first but she was a damn good friend and something in me says she’s still capable of being one.

So what about you, what would you do?

Why are adults so anal about sex

Normal people plan their sexual activity around when they want to have a baby.

Do you believe it ’cause its what most parents want their children to believe whenever the topic comes up.

Let me tell you something you already know. When a man goes to the beach and has an erection after spotting a sexy dame in a bikini, having a baby with her is the last thing he has on his mind. Its all about having fun dammit. He wants a treat for the senses, a recreational thing like singing or playing soccer. Nobody jumps into bed screaming, “Hell yeah I’m gonna make me a baby today”. Would his pure-as-snow parents be horrified to know this? Absolutely.

Last weekend I was amused about the conspiracy of silence among elders over sex. A friend of mine, Ben, was getting married. Prior to the wedding day, I learnt that an extraordinary amount of effort had gone into the bedroom setup. His mother directed everything, from the mandarin duck ornaments and seductive lighting down to the mattress and bedding materials. Gee I wonder why. If I were his mom, I would stick up porn pictures on the wall to guarantee the newlyweds will get down to business in no time. Its cheaper some more.

But why the elaborateness is anyone’s guess. Culture? Tradition? Maybe, but what I do know is that most grownups become hypocrites as soon as their children become aware of sex. Afraid to associate shiokness (excitement) with sex they would rather eat their shoes than discuss it. And when the kids head to the gutter to learn about it they (the parents) lament where did they go wrong. Get a clue man. If denial and disinformation tactics didn’t work in the age of the horse and buggy, it shore as hell won’t work in the age of the internet.

So as far as their kids are concerned, the correct way to talk about sex is to treat it like its a tool to remove earwax which means you don’t really wanna talk about it unless you have to. You don’t mention its more shiok than a family vacation to Port Dickson and heck, even the reason why mom and dad got married.

But if I know Ben he’s armed to the teeth with knowledge on how to handle his first wedding night, just like all of us. I mean the floor of the school’s chemistry lab was good enough for him those days so a decked out bedroom is an overkill to say the least. Still I’m sure he enjoyed the pampering and he should be happy he doesn’t have to pull a Bart Simpson I-didn’t-do-it-you-can’t-prove-it stunt anymore.

Good old Ben. Why am I not surprised that his parents won’t be surprised at what he knows.

Do opposites REALLY attract?

As a boy I would drive my mum crazy with my questions. One of them was why my uncles and aunties never shopped together. If its my uncle, he would walk with other male members of the family and if its my auntie, she’d go with her daughters or female cousins.

Oklah, silly question. Relationships are like fish. The older it gets, the smellier it becomes. But is there some psychogical or biological factor we can blame, something that makes men curse women’s ‘indecisiveness’ and women men’s ‘aloofness.’ I’m beginning to think so.

Take me for example. When I shop, I always have a precise list of what I want, let’s say some AAA-size batteries. I would go into the store, head for the target aisle, scan the prices, pick up the brand I like and head straight to the cashier. I’d be outta there in 5 minutes or less. Ok, maybe it’ll take a little longer if I’m choosing a CD player but the point is I always know what I want.

But when Shirley (my gf) shops, its a different thing altogether. If she needs a pair of shoes, it doesn’t mean she knows exactly what type of shoe she wants. Its a case of knowing what you want but not knowing what you want, you know, like saying it without saying it.

So what to buy is usually not decided until halfway thru the shopping itself. And who can make a fair decision until they’ve visited every one of the 11 shoe stores at the mall plus the 2 in the dept store.

Not only that. Objectives move too. She might have shoes on her mind but she may come back with shoes, blouse, belt, CD, make-up pack and other shit.

To avoid myself from going insane, my tactic is to let her wander off on her own and call me when she’s done as I busy myself browsing boy toys elsewhere in the building. It turns out many men also do the same. Great minds think alike, hahahaha.

My whole point is this. If you are male, your world is a collection of discrete objects, each one clearly defined, never mind if some things are impossible to define. Men aren’t bothered with detail. Life is always rational and there is a clear start and finish in everything you do, a clear purpose every time.

But for females, nothing is discrete. Enter alien factors like color, relationship, fluidity, detail and other mah fan (troublesome) things. The female world is much more complex and fine, with more variables considered behind every decision or action. Where a man sees one choice, a woman may see 3 or 4.

So if men and women are so different, sometimes to the point of conflict, then how in the world do they stay together? This was another question that drove my mum nuts.

My own answer is they don’t. Well actually they do but to keep their sanity, they get away from each other as much as they can. The women takes cover with their mahjong/shopping kakis and the men their snooker joints.

So to stay together, they get away from each other. Hope you get it cause I still don’t.